Saturday, February 18, 2006

The Olympics Takes the Gold on Thuggery

The website HotOlympians.com has been shut down by its owner, Aaron Bailey, after receiving a ceast-and-desist letter from the Olympic committee. Check out the letter posted on the former front page here. Apparently no one has told the Olympics that blogs are the new newspapers. Aaron'd cogent argument equating his website with a newspaper really kicks them in the nuts. The excerpt where the committee threatens the eligibility of olympic atheletes shows just how degenerate the Olympic Committee really is.
No wonder no one is watching the Olympics this year. They definitely lost my viewership!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

C-Span Delivers! Abramhoff special rocks!

Whoo doggy!!! If you want compelling television replete with snarky innuendoes and people trying to as mean as possible while seeming friendly and contrite, you need to be watching C-Span, people! I swear to a higher authority that I saw people grow fangs from which bile acid slowly dripped on live television. Seriously, I swear! No special effects.
C-Span did a two-hour special on the Jack Abramhoff scandal (you know, the one where...shock!!!...our legislators are being paid to cut shitty deals in congress...yeah, I was *surprised* as hell too). They've been reairing it every 7 1/2 minutes.
Most of the show is pretty boring. There are three guys who sit around and alternate between patting themselves on the back for being the first journalists to really cover the story a few months ago and then try to look like they're interested when left- and right-wing wackos call-in with their consipiracy theories. Seriously, the show moderator gives a clinic on how to kill a call in mid-sentence after the caller rambles theoretically for 3 minutes. That guy has the magic kill-button finger! Nicely done. (Aside: Any psychology or communication graduate students want to do a paper on why callers to TV and radio shows always say, "I'll try to keep this short because I don't have a lot of time, but..." and then go on with the World's Longest Diatribe(TM))?
Somebody shoot these people. Maybe electrocute them over the phone. That would be really cool.
Anyways, I digress ;).
The really interesting part of the footage was watching the Senate hearings chaired by Johnny "I'll Git Yer Ass" McCain and some other guy with "interesting" hair. Johnny's raged seethed through the screen as political snakes tried to slither out of the allegations of fraud that he was pointing at them with a double-barrelled shotgun. The acidic repartee was at it's height between our boy Johnny Mc and some chick named Italia Federicci who headed some Republican Environmental organization. Yes, you read that correctly; this is not a test of Spot The Oxymoron.
Anyways, I haven't seen anything near as compelling out of the networks lately and I felt it was my duty to inform my loyal readers.
BTW, do I have any readers?

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Time.com's Best TV of 2005!

Yay! Time Magazine (remember magazines?) did an overview of the best TV of 2005 and we largely agree with the list. Although, apparently they didn't read our review of Prison Break and they spoiled our lack of viewing the final episode by telling us it was a cliff hanger! Noooooooooo! We would have never have guessed that Prison Break would've ended in cliff hanger. Fie on Time.com...er...Time Magazine for blowing that surprise for us.
Anyways, if we only had premium super digital HD platinum triple tier cable channels, we could watch some of those other shows we haven't heard of. MTV2? What in the hell is that? We at CriticalTV HQ are using our intrepid intern ChinChin to hold our wire-hanger/tinfoil UHF antenna so that we can get the latest installment of The Office.
Speaking of The Office: we've added it to our TiVo season pass. Welcome, Office, to the snark fest!

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Prison Broke

Okay, so I'm a little late! Sue me. Anyone catch the last episode of Prison Break? Anyone? Yeah, me neither and I've seen all of the other episodes this season. And you know what? I don't really care, which is really sad.
I mean, Prison Break started out like gangbusters (or is it jailbusters)! The plot was innovative, it didn't look like anything else on TV, great characters - I remember thinking: This is new and hot!
I couldn't get enough. Until about three-quarters through the season. Then it got predictable and it was clear that they're were trying to fill the season.
What is it with the networks? I guess they have figured out that the traditional season programming schedule is broken. It's too long. I don't know how many weeks it is, but I know it's too long. How do I know? Because I became one of these "committed" watchers that never misses an episode and eagerly awaits the next one. I also used TiVo to make sure I didn't miss a beat.
But in the end, it was clear they were messing with the story to fill out the season and hold onto viewers. By the time the finale came around, I was more concerned about my vacation than Schofield's toilet cum escape route.
First, Desperate Housewives, then Lost and finally Prison Break. Too bad good TV continues to eat its young...

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Lost's Plot tries to find its way to another season

I love Lost's first season. Fresh, new and reminded me of Robinson Crusoe! What could be better? Well the second season certainly isn't. I put up with the dramatic pauses in between under- and over-acted scenes last season because the plost was so...well...cool. Now, these scenes just annoy the poop out of me. But they're not the only thing that has my hackles raised, and I don't know what hackles are!
Uh, dude? Where'd the doc go? I mean, like, uh...isn't there an underground lair somewhere that people are supposed to be punching a button on? That was certainly more interesting than whatever is going on with the "new" tribe and the "other" tribe. You know, the "new" tribe that we thought was the Others but turned out to not be bad people but actually people from the second half of the plane? But then they said that there were actually other bad people (the "Others"), and everyone should be really scared of them.
I mean, really, listen to how stupid I sound just trying to explain the absurdity of the plot. I don't have to make anything up for everyone out in TV-land to realize that this is the worst attempt at stringing out a good thing since the Cowboy's hired Parcells! My time is valuable folks. I happily gave it up every week when I was enthralled by the newness of people marooned on an island. Now, Lost feels more like a group of people who have been strung out on acid for 40 days and are actually 2.7 miles from Oahu's downtown, but they just have no idea.
My girlfriend holds onto Lost like a kid trying to take their 4th grade lunch box to freshman year highschool. She knows that giving it up is becoming inevitable.
The worst part? This segue into the backstory behind the "Others", or is it just the "other half of the plane"? My money is on the plot devolving into the plane actually split into 4.2 pieces, all of which somehow wound up on the island and each turning into their own little paranoid, skeeved-out series of romantic innuendoes. (Not even hot romance at that!)
Actually, I think the .2 part of the plane landed on a 7-11 in western Honolulu and the four survivors there will be getting a book deal telling their story of how they avoided certain death and a ridiculous jungle-themed plot.
Damn it! I don't even know what I'm talking about now! Maybe Lost is appropriately named...

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Desperate Housewives: Jumped the Shark???

I know it's been discussed on various message board forums, but I think it bears repeating; Desperate Housewives probably jumped the shark with the "Man in the Basement" episode. You know, the one where the guy jumps out of the cellar and attacks the new family? Really, very exciting!
Not.
Desperate Housewives should be renamed: Desperate Producers Trying to Come Up With Another Season. After all of the smartness and intrigue of the first season, we loyal viewers are being served up a heaping pile of Melrose Placeian dissolution. The obviously contrived new characters, the flailing randomness of the previous plotline and the absurd attempt to even the minutes per housewife. My girlfriend is coming unhinged trying to loyally defend the show, but even she realizes that the DH will likely be sent back down to the minors soon.
I could care less about that one housewife who is dating the pharmacist guy who killed her husband. I hope he turns her into his sex slave, forcing her into situations that make her abandon her victorian prudeabilities and strip her of any meaning in life. Turn the show into a late-90's indie-movie style epic that burns the banality of everyday life into the soul of the characters. Talk about unexpected plot twists!
Don't worry DH! You're not the only extra-season greed monger in TV-land. Wait until I get my teeth into Lost. Oh nelly, is there a train that gets derailed! But, sadly, all I want out of DH right now is a chance to subscribe to a Eva Longoria lingerie calendar. I'm even going to change my Tivo to something on PBS for Sunday night. It has to be more interesting than Teri Hatcher's perpetual state of distraughtedness.

Hello tv world...

Welcome to criticaltv, the blog about popular tv shows that we all love to watch. I'm here to share my special blend of news, views and snarky comments on what works and what does not in today's popular media. While I'd like to just preach to all of you and not have to deal with any of your opinions, this whole blog 'thing' allows for two-way conversations -- which means that I will have to entertain your ideas as well.
So, post comments if you must and I'll let you know if I think you're saying anything worthwhile. Please, no ads for timeshare condos, search engine optimizers (whatever those are) or amazing stock picks! Those guarantee a trip to the delete bin.
Otherwise, sit back, grab your Tivo remote and enjoy!
The Snark